The faster I move, the closer I reach a point where I seemingly stay in place while everything else moves around me. It’s almost like sitting down in a moving vehicle, looking out the window and watching the world whiz by in a frantic blur. I feel this the most when I’m on a plane taking off; while it taxis around from the terminal to the runway, it’s the slowest slog ever, but once everything starts taking off as if from nowhere, I realize I’m in the air without even noticing we took off at all.
I feel as if I’m just like that plane taking off in my own life. I’m staring down a runway filled with all of these things that supposedly mark the passage from a naïve twentysomething into suddenly married and two and a half children. It was only a year and a half ago where I wrote about how others my age move so quickly throughout life, chasing their dreams; at the time, I felt stuck, or perhaps, simply moving slowly in relation to these other people, fictional or otherwise. I was in a cusp between those two phases that I described above, and all it took was a tiny nudge in the right direction for everything to start accelerating as quickly as they recently have.
Since that post, I’ve accomplished quite a bit in my supposed journey to adulthood. I moved out of my parents’ house in the suburbs and into a condo downtown. I’m nearing three years of service at my current place of employment. I met my Serika Itou; she is now my fiancée and will soon be my wife.
Looking forward, there’s still so much more to come my way. I’m leaving my current job to find employment that suits my academic background. I’m marrying my fiancée very soon, and will apply for a green card to live in the States with her. I’m moving back in with my parents at the end of the month, so that I can save up for that move to the US.
I’m barely half a year away from all of these things happening, and the years beyond that may involve a real wedding, and perhaps settling down in Canada again to have children once the two of us manage to get the academic background and/or experience to finally settle into our careers. Am I ready for all of that? I feel as if I am, but within that frame of thought with regards to the plane taking off, it’s taking off remarkably fast, and I’m fine with that. I’m finally on the other side of the cusp that I found myself stuck in for a few years, and I’m more than ready to leave that awkward phase behind me.
I feel for those who are about to reach that phase in their own lives. All I can say is that it’s lonely, but it’s not forever. There’s potential to feel lonely no matter where you are in life. Even when you move beyond that cusp, you move so fast that you feel like you’re leaving everyone behind. All it takes to deal with those feelings is to stay true to what you want in life. You need to maintain the drive and passion to reach that endgame. I’m finally moving forward, but despite all the change in my life, the one thing that stays the same is that passion and drive.
I still want to be an accomplished writer. I still want to have a family someday. I still want to be in a fulfilling career. I still want to love myself wholeheartedly so I can share that love with everyone, my fiancée especially. I’m lucky to be filled with more love at 27 than I’ve been when I was creeping towards 26. A lot happens in a short time, but that’s how it is, and I’ve accepted that with as much grace as someone in my position could.
When I move quickly, I seem to stay in place while the world zooms by. My dreams in life, drawing ever closer, slows to crawl as well, but remains firmly in front of me while everything else is in motion. I remain focused, and I keep chasing, because that’s what I love the most, and that’s what keeps me moving.